The Larry David Wisdom
I’ve been watching a lot of Curb Your Enthusiasm lately during my free time. I just recently purchased the first 3 seasons on DVD, and after watching all of the episodes I would have to say that the “Crazy Eyez Killa” episode is probably my favorite. I ultimately regret not watching Curb until recently. I was always a HUGE fan of Seinfeld and as you know Larry David was the brains behind Seinfeld’s enormous success. Curb has been showing on HBO since 2000 and I never really bothered to give it much of a chance until just a few months ago. I’m happy that I did, because I find the situations and stories to be hilarious. It’s almost like a no holds barred version of Seinfeld.
I find Larry David’s humor to be superb and I wish to god that the guy would do some stand-up dates with possibly Jerry Seinfeld in the near future. However, knowing Larry David there is not a chance in hell that would ever happen.
Jerry Seinfeld recently came to Knoxville, and part of me really wanted to go see him but alas I didn’t, mostly because Seinfeld’s ticket prices are jacked up and I’m really not sure if it would be worth the immense amount of money I would have to pay. Although, one thing that I do know is that if Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld did do a tour together, then I would defiantly be there no matter what the tickets might cost me.
Anyway, Curb Your Enthusiasm (Season 4) will be released on August 30. In anticipation of these DVDs I am going to quote some famous Larry David quotes and conversations that he had during the first 3 seasons. Enjoy the quotes and for anyone that has never seen the show, and was a fan of Seinfeld, then I highly recommend either checking out some of the re-runs on HBO or buying one of the DVDs.
Man: Are you Jewish?
Larry David: You want to check my penis?Becky: You ate the baby Jesus and his mother Mary.
Larry: I thought they were animal cookies.
Cheryl’s Dad: Animal Cookies? What, are you kidding me?
Becky: Jesus Christ is not an animal.
Larry: I thought he was a monkey.
Cheryl’s Dad: A monkey? Oh, please.
Cheryl’s Mom: Larry, have you no shame?
Becky: The Son of God is not a monkey, Larry.Richard: You’re looking at my girlfriend’s breasts!
Larry: First of all, Richard, they’re not breasts. They’re not breasts, they’re just big chemical balls, okay?Larry David: I don’t like talking to… to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with.
Larry: I am not obsessed with asses.
Wanda: Ok, assy. And what is all that shit all over your shirt? You been scrounging around, looking for ass?Larry: Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m deaf and I try to imagine what it’s like not to be able to hear them. It’s not that bad.
Larry: They don’t deserve candy and I don’t deserve this: “Bald Asshole”? That’s a hate crime!
Donald: You know what you are? You’re a self-loathing Jew.
Larry David: Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m Jewish.Larry: What’s the level of anger here? What am I dealing with?
Cheryl: Well, I’d have to say at least an 8.7.
Larry: 8.7? That’s not that bad. I thought it would be at least a 9.
Cheryl: It was a 9. Then you broke that lamp, and the crazy woman screamed at you, and it got you some pity points.
Larry: Pity points. That’s fabulous, I love pity points. But how can I get to a 7? I know a 6 is out of the question, but is there any way I can get to a 7?Larry: Nice house.
Susie: Yeah, come on. I’ll give you a tour.
Larry: Naw, it’s ok.
Susie: No, come on.
Larry: No, it’s ok. I-I get it.
Susie: You get it?
Larry: Yeah, it’s a house. It’s new. I get it. It’s nice.
Susie: You get it? Ok, you know what? Get the fuck out of my house, Larry.Richard: You’d better call me later on, alright? By sundown.
Larry: “By sundown”? What are you… what are you, Gary Cooper? “By sundown”? What’s gonna happen?Larry: Are you my Caucasian?