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The Top 10 Greatest Seinfeld Episodes

Posted on Monday, June 13, 2005 in Blog

For anyone that knows me well knows that I am a huge fan of the show and comedian Jerry Seinfeld. I started watching Seinfeld in 1992 during the middle of season 3. I remember vividly that the very first episode I saw was “The Parking Garage”. I was young at the time and I just remember that I thought the character Kramer was hilarious. So after that the rest is history. I became a loyal fan of the show after that episode and rarely ever missed a show after that. I still watch Seinfeld re-runs whenever I am able to catch them and now with the DVD’s I am able to relive all of the great Seinfeld moments anytime I want. After going through the long list of shows I have compiled my top 10 greatest Seinfeld Episodes. I have gave a brief review for each episode telling why I think they are great.

10. The Opposite (Season 5)
This was the season finale episode for season 5 and it turned out to be the best season finale during the 9 year history of the show. Not only was the show itself hilarious but it provided many key moments for the remainder of the series history. In the beginning George is in a rut, as usual. He’s gone 3 years now without a job. He’s been living with his parents and he’s got nothing going for him. On the other hand Elaine has just got a big raise with pendant publishing. Then we have Kramer who is having his coffee table book published and is going on tour to promote it with the first stop being on Live with Regis and Katie Lee. Things begin to change for George when he decides the he is going to do the opposite of everything he normally does. What does it get him?? He gets a beautiful woman, a job with the New York Yankees and he moves out of his parent’s house. While things are on the rise with George things are going downhill with Elaine. Her boyfriend breaks up with her because she stopped to get Jujyfruits instead of rushing straight to the hospital when she finds out he’s been in accident and Pendant publishing comes to an end and Elaine loses her job because her boss made a mistake by not shaking hands with The Matsushimi. Meanwhile Jerry finds out that no matter what happens to him everything always evens out for him. He’s “Even Steven” has Kramer wisely put it.

Quotable quotes from The Opposite:

GEORGE: My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.

9. The Pick (Season 4)
“The Pick” is one of those episodes that doesn’t have a dull moment. Each character was presented with a hilarious story and acted it out to the fullest. Elaine decides she wants to send everyone out a Christmas card so Kramer being the nice man that he is takes some photos of Elaine. However, unfortunately for Elaine she missed a button on her blouse and exposed her nipple in the card but she didn’t notice it till after she sent out hundreds of cards to friends and family. Jerry is dating a beautiful CK model that he met on the airplane. The relationship is going great until she caught Jerry picking his nose but Jerry claims it was just a scratch. Meanwhile Kramer finds out that Calvin Klein stole his idea for a perfume that smells like the beach so instead Calvin Klein gives Kramer an opportunity to be an underwear model. One of Kramer’s greatest comedic performances is in this episode whenever he models the underwear for the CK executives. Then we have George, he’s depressed because he broke up with Susan so now he wants her back. Well she finally gives in and takes him back but then George realizes he made a huge mistake. So what does he do to get out of the relationship?? He does The Pick.

Quotable quotes from “The Pick”

GEORGE: So let’s say in her mind she witnessed a pick. Okay, so then what?
JERRY: Is that so unforgivable? Is that like breaking a commandment? Did God say to Moses thou shalt not pick?
GEORGE: I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for forty years with that dry air. … You telling me you’re not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit.

8. The Contest (Season 4)
Perhaps the most widely known episode in the shows history. Larry David won an Emmy in this episode for best writing in a comedy series. A show about who can hold out longest without masturbating. Who would think NBC would even air this show. But they did and the brilliance of it is they went 30 minutes without ever saying the word masturbating. The foursome has many temptations along the way. With Elaine its John F. Kennedy Jr. then Jerry is dating a virgin, George saw two women in the hospital taking a sponge bath, and Kramer well he is of course the first out whenever he sees a naked woman across the street. The Contest was a groundbreaking show in the fact they went where no ever sitcom had ever went before and they succeeded brilliantly in doing so. Watching this episode you can’t help think to yourself are you indeed “Master of your domain?”

Quotable quote from “The Contest”

(Kramer casually enters, takes a few step toward the kitchen, and slaps a wad of bills onto the counter)
KRAMER: (Declaring) I’m out!

7. The Yada Yada ( Season 8 )
Have you ever used the phrase “Yada Yada Yada”? More than likely you have at least once in your life. Well Seinfeld wrote an entire show about it. In this episode the writers wrote a typical Seinfeld episode forming the usual hilarious plots around each of the four characters but they added something. They added yada yada yada within their dialog. This episode is another classic instance where Seinfeld takes something so small and mundane out of our culture and turns into a brilliant show. Would this show been funny without the yada yada? Of course it would have you can’t help to chuckle at Kramer and his friend Mickey going on double dates with two women and not being able to figure out which one either of them like. However, it wouldn’t have been AS funny without the yada yada being thrown around the entire episode.

Quotable quote from “The Yada Yada”

GEORGE: Listen to this. Marcy comes up and she tells me her ex-boyfriend was over late last night, and “yada yada yada, I’m really tired today.” You don’t think she yada yada’d sex.
ELAINE: (Raising hand) I’ve yada yada’d sex.
GEORGE: Really?
ELAINE: Yeah. I met this lawyer, we went out to dinner, I had the lobster bisk, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again.
JERRY: But you yada yada’d over the best part.
ELAINE: No, I mentioned the bisk.

6. The Gum (Season 7)
This is the classic nothing episode from Seinfeld. I was recently telling a friend of mine how funny this episode was and when he asked me what it was about I just sort of sat there for minute trying to put into words what exactly it was about. This episode uses a lot of the same themes that the later episodes used such as George acting like a crazy nut, Elaine seemingly acting desperate, Jerry getting talked into matters he doesn’t want to do just to please someone, and Kramer well being Kramer. It’s just the way this episode is crafted together and how each storyline ends up running into each other in the most perfect way is what makes this episode so fantastic. Not only that but it features the best physical comedic performance by Jerry when Kramer forces him to wear a huge thick pair of glasses in front of Lloyd Braun. Jerry’s performance itself in this particular scene is top 10 worthy.

Quotable quotes from “The Gum”

JERRY: Well, if it isn’t Chesty La Rue.
ELAINE: (sits beside Jerry) What?
JERRY: I was chewing gum with Lloyd Braun today, and he was bragging about the
peepshow you gave him at the Alex.
ELAINE: (laughing it away) Oh God. I lost a button, so my blouse was wide open.
I musta left it at the theatre.

5. The Pen (Season 3)
An episode completely without George or Kramer does this sound funny to you? At first thought it doesn’t but somehow Jerry, Elaine, and the secondary characters turn this episode into truly one of the most hysterical episodes of Seinfeld ever. Jerry and Elaine go visit Jerry’s parents at the retirement community in Florida. While they are there we get a true glimpse of how are parents honest to God act whenever they reach retirement age. Arguing about the smallest and most useless circumstances that normally wouldn’t bother a person, such as Jerry accepting a pen from one of their parent’s friends and then having the whole community go nuts about it. This episode also contains the funniest moment ever by Elaine whenever she takes too many muscle relaxers and profusely screams out the name STELA!!!! Don’t let George and Kramer being absent from this episode let you down, because this truly is one of the greatest episodes.

Quotable quotes from “The Pen”

MORTY: You know Jack, do me a favor will you? Take the pen and the scotch tape, and get the hell out of here!
JACK: Listen do you think I give a damn?
MORTY: Aah! (Jack leaves) The nerve of that guy! Taking back that pen. Well that’ it for them.
JERRY: What is going on in this community! Are you people aware of what’s happening? What is driving you to this behavior? Is it the humidity? Is it the Muzak? Is it the white shoes?

4. The Bris (Season 5)
”The Bris” seems to be a love or hate episode. I have heard some people call it one of their least favorites and some call it one of their favorites. Charles Levin as The Mohel has one of the most memorable performances ever by a one time character in Seinfeld. Once again The Seinfeld casting strikes gold with this neurotic character playing a Mohel who is going to perform mitzvah of the bris on the baby of Stan of Myra who are friends with Jerry and Elaine. Meanwhile we have Kramer that swears he saw a Pigman in the hospital and George who is trying to compensate money from the hospital because someone jumped out of the window 20 floors up and landed right on top of his car. Then we also have several Godfather references throughout the entire show including a hilarious one in the ending.

Quotable Quotes from “The Bris”

GEORGE: I wish there were pigmen. You get a few of these pigmen walking around and suddenly I’m looking a whole lot better. Then if somebody wants to fix me up at least they could say, “Hey at least he’s no pig-man!”

3. The Hot Tub (season 7)
Between George going around calling everyone a son of a bitch or a bastard and Kramer installing a hut tub in his little apartment which he later falls asleep in then you have yourself a pretty damn funny episode of Seinfeld. “The Hot Tub” episode features another memorable performance from a one time character this one being Jeremiah Birkett as a professional marathon runner named Jean-Paul from Trinidad and Tobago. Elaine’s whole storyline, with trying to write a good article for The Himalayan Walking Shoe, a product for the Peterman Catalog, is slightly weak. However, George is hilarious and the Jean-Paul storyline is one of the better ones of the season and it more than makes up for the rare weak storyline with Elaine.

Quotable Quotes from “The Hot Tub”

GEORGE: Hey, you bastards.
JERRY: Hey, how was the meeting?
GEORGE: I really like those sons of bitches.
JERRY: Sons of bitches?
GEORGE: Yeah! That’s how they talk. You know, everyone’s either a bastard or a son of a bitch.
Yeah, it’s like uh…”boy, that son of a bitch Boggs can really hit, uh?!”
JEAN-PAUL: Really?!
GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. That’s how they talk in the major league.
KRAMER: Man I’m freezing here feel my hands.
JEAN-PAUL: Phew… this son of a bitch is ice-cold.

2. The Cigar Store Indian (Season 5)
I like to call this episode the most underrated Seinfeld episode of all-time. If you are a causal fan of the show the chances are you probably have never heard of or even seen this episode. Why this particular episode has gotten so overshadowed by other ones is still unknown to me. It has what I feel is the best Kramer moment ever whenever he is hanging out of a cab window with the Cigar Store Indian screaming “Hey Jerry look what I got!” while doing an Indian chant. While Kramer is doing that Jerry is right in the middle of a conversation with a Native American woman trying to explain how sensitive he is to racial issues. It has a truly memorable scene by Frank and Estelle, Georges parents, who grounds him because he had sex on their bed while they were out of town. Then Elaine is involved in a whole controversy with Frank because she took his TV guide. Kramer also gets his idea for the coffee table book in this episode and Al Roker makes a special guest appearance. Honestly you can’t go wrong with this episode there is never a dull moment and it’s a shame that it never got the attention it truly deserved.

Quotable quotes from “The Cigar Store Indian”

ESTELLE: Who told you you could have sex in our bed?

GEORGE: (pleading) Well, my bed is too small.

FRANK: Your bed is too small? I’m gone two weeks and you turn our house into, into Bourbon Street!

1. The Fusilli Jerry (season 6)
What a fine show “The Fusilli Jerry” is. How can you go wrong with Kramer getting his license plate mixed up with a vanity plate that says “Assman” and then having him proclaim himself as being “The Assman”. Then Jerry is upset because David Putty stole his sex move and used it on Elaine, George is upset because he has no sex move so he is asking Jerry if he could use his as well, and Elaine is upset because Jerry told Putty to stop using his move on Elaine. But wait a minute Kramer stopped short with George’s Mother and that gets Frank upset because Kramer stole his move and used it on his wife. As you can see the best Seinfeld episodes seem to be the ones with the connected storylines. This show proves that. All of the storylines of each character are all brilliantly connected and then finally woven together for a terrific ending. So not only was the dialog and characters hilarious but it was intelligently written. To be a show about nothing there sure was a lot of thought behind some of the writing. On a final note, The Fusilli Jerry was similar to The Contest in the way that it was somewhat pushing the boundary for cable television at the time considering majority of this episode was about performing sex moves. Intelligent writing, hilarious dialog, and controversy…that is what made The Fusilli Jerry the greatest Seinfeld episode ever.

Quotable quotes from “The Fusilli Jerry”

KRAMER: Assman, Jerry. I’m Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!

Well I hoped you enjoyed reading my list. You can agree or disagree. It took me a while to go through 180 episodes and pick out the top 10 but this is it. I would like to list a few episodes that I feel should be honorable mention to the top 10. These episodes are great but just didn’t have enough to make the cut. “The Rye”, “The Betrayal”, “The Chinese Restaurant”, “The Chinese Woman”, “The Hamptons”, “The Outing”, “Mom and Pop Store”, “The Pothole”, and “The Switch”.

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